The need to brag, or a need for validation? 


I have been asked to write on this life topic that many face on a day to day basis.

BRAG is a word with many flavors. Depending on who is “bragging” and who is “listening” and their perspectives at that moment which determines what can be qualified as bragging in their minds.

Dictionary describes it as boastful talking, or self glorification, or exceptional.

When in a conversation on a topic, someone talks about their achievement or about their loved ones with a wholesome, loving heart in a caring manner, with happiness oozing out of their whole being, without the intention to put anyone down, is not bragging in my opinion. You can tell when someone is just happy and wants to share without any ill towards anyone else.

For example: A child wins a contest, and the happy mother cannot contain herself and wants the world to know about her happiness – for the listener who is content and at peace within, will be happy to share in the happiness. On the other hand, the listener who is craving for news like the one told, and has setup unrealistic expectations, will feel jealousy, become agitated, and will feel restless, instead of sharing in the happiness and taking encouragement.

But when someone’s entire intention is to put their own self in the limelight for self glorification - that is bragging. This does not mean that they are lying; just that the tone of voice used, and the manner in which something is said is not pleasing. In such a situation, it is very obvious about the intent of the person. This may very well point to an issue with self esteem, wanting to take control, trying to fill in some other inner need…or this person may just be in the habit of a non-caring, selfish attitude.

For example: A person may love collecting expensive pieces for their own pleasure, and it is enough for them to hear someone appreciate when they see a new addition. On the other hand, a person buys an expensive piece of jewelry, or furniture or any other material and they make sure that everyone in the friend circle is informed about the new material addition. Again the intent of the person will be clear in a situation like this. Some may feel that is bragging about their material possession, and get agitated, due to some inner conflict within. Others similar in character may just want to know further details of the new acquisition! Some others may just smile and stay away, and yet others may never have to face a situation like this for their friend circle will be of like minded people.

Remember that those who intend to brag may be in need of self-validation; approval of some sort, the need to be appreciated, the need to be applauded. They are not content beings.

I feel that it is not really bragging that bother us, but the negative energy emanating from the “bragger.”

No one is “perfect,” or rather “perfection” lies within the person and it is our own judgmental mind that wants to find imperfection. We are all as perfect as we are supposed to be at any point in life. Since we are all human and on the path of progress, it is critical to remember that we need to stay away from those whose “qualities” bother us in some way. The next step is to go further deeper within the Self and find out what it is about the “bragging” that is bothering….it may just uncover something that might end up freeing a mental shackle…

Like begets like. This is so true. Count the top five people who you interact with on a day to day basis, and know that most likely those are who you are trying to emulate in some way or another, that is how you are most likely to become!

My suggestion is to surround yourself with those people who you like – their thinking, the way they talk, their mannerisms, their actions; and even further have those in your circle those who you look up to, those whose path you can follow, those who you can trust, your role models. Then there will be no agitation within, at any time, for you will be in harmony with them. Your energy field will be enhanced by their energy field. That is what our life is about, spiritual progress so that material progress takes on a very different meaning – that of service, not that of hoarding and wasting. :)

It isn’t the work itself that is ever the issue...

It isn’t the work itself that is ever the issue; it is the mind pushing us away from what needs to get done that needs to be leashed.


…and no wonder the one thing that is the most difficult to change is ones own Self!

One should not even attempt at changing others for only you are in control of you and no one else. What those in a position to do so can and should do is plant seeds of change through providing tools to enable the change to happen when the time is right, when the soil is fertile, ripe and ready to absorb the invaluable nutrients.

Even though the tools are there, one needs the awareness to understand what those tools are trying to tell them. The awareness may be as superficial as the recognition that “this is good” and “wow” and “I agree,” and one may be even forever thanking for what they “see” as tools, but the reality is that this recognition is not sufficient to initiate the change or sustain the recognition of the motivation for the change.

 My own personal experience tells me that at any point that I have desired a change, (which I do on a consistent basis); it has taken tremendous effort, will power, determination, consistent, unwavering focus on what I desire and the action towards the change. An action does not get done when the act itself is pushed away by the mind consistently, and that is where the real work is! It isn’t the work itself that is ever the issue; it is the mind pushing us away from what needs to get done that needs to be leashed. We spend most of our time struggling with trying to push the wavering and playful mind back onto track than on the actual action. We need to consistently work on our mind. :)

The need for love and companionship

The need for love and companionship

Man is a social being; that is how we have been created. As such our intrinsic need is for love and companionship, there is no denying this.

We are love, we are made of love, and every pore in our being is love. But what we forget is to nourish our inner Self with the love it needs through our understanding of our own selves before we reach out into the need for relationships and companionships external to us.

A being will be forever needy, even if they are surrounded by people, through intimacy as well as any other kind of relationship, if they have not nourished their Soul first. And all other relationships will gradually work out if the Self has become content.

People who jump from one relationship to another looking for companionship continue the process of “looking,” for they are guided by influences that are external and are not the right guiding factors. They are left further drained and empty, rather than fulfilled.

Love and companionship can come in so many different ways. The love and companionship could very well be that of an intimate companion, a friend, a sibling, a child…when one feels complete, then companionship takes on a different meaning.

As long as there is craving, there is something to learn. If you are content in the knowledge that everything is as it should be – your desire for love and companionship takes on a different meaning.

Ultimately, there is one place that your heart is the safest – with God. He holds you as long as you need Him, He is there for you if you seek Him, you “see” him if your desire is to see him. This love and companionship never ends. :)

Comment on this blog:

"Hi Umang, your blog "Need for love and companionship" is insightful. Thanks for writing. why does the feeling of not been loved by someone(Rejection) hurts ? I think the answer is in the blog, but want to hear a direct answer to this if there is one :) Thanks"

My response:

"Hi,
This feeling of rejection is our ego rearing its head. We would need to question our inner Self - what is about this rejection that is hurting me the most? In my personal opinion, if we are satisfied with ourselves, we are content in our Being and in the knowledge that we do love ourselves, then we are able to seperate someone else's opinion/rejection from how we feel about ourselves; meaning it will not feel like rejection, since the person "rejecting" is another nique personality and has nothing to do with us! They have their own issues not allowing them to love and care for another, for we may remind them of their own "lack." So this rejection is about them not who they are rejecting. It really all boils down to our own self esteem - the person rejecting and the person feeling rejected. If we stop to taking things so personally, continue to prosper ourselves in God like qualities, and bask in teh knowledge that God does not reject anyone...we will be peaceful and at ease...not easy, but with effort can be done. :) "