The need to brag, or a need for validation? 


I have been asked to write on this life topic that many face on a day to day basis.

BRAG is a word with many flavors. Depending on who is “bragging” and who is “listening” and their perspectives at that moment which determines what can be qualified as bragging in their minds.

Dictionary describes it as boastful talking, or self glorification, or exceptional.

When in a conversation on a topic, someone talks about their achievement or about their loved ones with a wholesome, loving heart in a caring manner, with happiness oozing out of their whole being, without the intention to put anyone down, is not bragging in my opinion. You can tell when someone is just happy and wants to share without any ill towards anyone else.

For example: A child wins a contest, and the happy mother cannot contain herself and wants the world to know about her happiness – for the listener who is content and at peace within, will be happy to share in the happiness. On the other hand, the listener who is craving for news like the one told, and has setup unrealistic expectations, will feel jealousy, become agitated, and will feel restless, instead of sharing in the happiness and taking encouragement.

But when someone’s entire intention is to put their own self in the limelight for self glorification - that is bragging. This does not mean that they are lying; just that the tone of voice used, and the manner in which something is said is not pleasing. In such a situation, it is very obvious about the intent of the person. This may very well point to an issue with self esteem, wanting to take control, trying to fill in some other inner need…or this person may just be in the habit of a non-caring, selfish attitude.

For example: A person may love collecting expensive pieces for their own pleasure, and it is enough for them to hear someone appreciate when they see a new addition. On the other hand, a person buys an expensive piece of jewelry, or furniture or any other material and they make sure that everyone in the friend circle is informed about the new material addition. Again the intent of the person will be clear in a situation like this. Some may feel that is bragging about their material possession, and get agitated, due to some inner conflict within. Others similar in character may just want to know further details of the new acquisition! Some others may just smile and stay away, and yet others may never have to face a situation like this for their friend circle will be of like minded people.

Remember that those who intend to brag may be in need of self-validation; approval of some sort, the need to be appreciated, the need to be applauded. They are not content beings.

I feel that it is not really bragging that bother us, but the negative energy emanating from the “bragger.”

No one is “perfect,” or rather “perfection” lies within the person and it is our own judgmental mind that wants to find imperfection. We are all as perfect as we are supposed to be at any point in life. Since we are all human and on the path of progress, it is critical to remember that we need to stay away from those whose “qualities” bother us in some way. The next step is to go further deeper within the Self and find out what it is about the “bragging” that is bothering….it may just uncover something that might end up freeing a mental shackle…

Like begets like. This is so true. Count the top five people who you interact with on a day to day basis, and know that most likely those are who you are trying to emulate in some way or another, that is how you are most likely to become!

My suggestion is to surround yourself with those people who you like – their thinking, the way they talk, their mannerisms, their actions; and even further have those in your circle those who you look up to, those whose path you can follow, those who you can trust, your role models. Then there will be no agitation within, at any time, for you will be in harmony with them. Your energy field will be enhanced by their energy field. That is what our life is about, spiritual progress so that material progress takes on a very different meaning – that of service, not that of hoarding and wasting. :)