Accepting “No,” Saying “No”

Accepting “No,” Saying “No”

Many times people do not like it when they are the recipients of the word, “No.” You might be one of them.

Let’s look at what feelings are generated in a person hearing “No.”

The first reaction may be a shock, “what? How could you?”

This may be followed by frustration, anger and disappointment. It may have even attacked your self-esteem and the feelings of “I am no good,” may come to the surface.

Now let’s go a little deeper than the surface reactions. The feelings, emotions may have been generated due to something else going on inside the person, and needs to be looked at. What was dormant inside was probably scratched to the point of anger and resentment. This may point to something that needs to be analyzed and worked on inside the person hearing “No.”

It takes a content person to take the word “No,” and stay reactive in a positive manner, meaning to find out ways of getting what they really need accomplished – another way, another person…it may even be that the want so desired may even not be needed to get done!

- Could it be that a person said “No” because they simply have their own higher priority work going on and do not have enough time on their hands?
- Could it be that their saying “No” is a result of their understanding that you may get hurt in the process or maybe someone else may get hurt?
- Could it be that saying “No” is a result of their thinking that the request is not justified?
- Could it be that the way the request was made was improper, rude, taken for granted, selfish, impolite?

The bottom line is, a request should be fair, considerate, and with the knowledge that it may not be granted; that if it is so critical then there are always other ways. With this kind of understanding, one will be always ready to accept “No” and still not get hurt in the process. One can take this as an opportunity to become more creative.

Now let’s look at the other side of the same coin, saying “No.”

Many times we know that we should say “No” to a request and we do not and other times we should not say “No” and we do!

Sometimes it is not appropriate for us to say “No” to a help request if we know that we can do it without hurting ourselves, if we know that the request is valid, if we care enough to make a difference in others lives. Whenever a “No” is said, we need to pay special attention to how we are saying it, are we explaining with a concise but a valid and polite manner.

At other times it is completely appropriate to say “No” to a request.

The questions to ask oneself before saying no should be:

- Is this a valid request?
- Am I capable of fulfilling this request?
- Do I have sufficient time on my hands or am I stretching myself really thin?
- Is this request going to compromise me or others in any way?
- Is this request ethical?
- Is this something I am in agreement with?
- Is this something that is non-destructive?

Also remember that when the desire to say “No” is strong, listen to your gut, do not second guess yourself. Because in the end you will get hurt, you will feel miserable and you would have compromised on the time of your own loved ones. Learn to listen to your emotions. The person at the other end of “No” needs to be accountable and responsible for their own reactions.

A polite response will go a long way towards saying "No" - “No, Thanks.” “Sorry, but I can’t right now.” “I wish I could, but it isn’t an appropriate time for me right now.”

Learning to accept “No,” and say “No,” is quite an art! Developing such a skill is very much needed if we want to make the world we live in peaceful and happy. :)