Let’s really listen to our children and hear what they are saying.

Let’s really listen to our children and hear what they are saying.

Yes children all over are asking to be heard. In today’s world both parents are working and busy, struggling between home and work. They have less and less time to spend with their children. So what do they do? They may send them to day care while they are working, and pick them up in the wee hours of the evening when they are able to; and then they may compensate with toys and things…

Children long to be home after their long day at school or day care; they long to be able to talk to who they love the most – their parents. But when parents come home tired and burnt out, they may pretend to be listening but are they really?

In some cases, parents are further sending their children out from one competitive environment to another under the impression that they are doing well for their children. As a result children are involved in so many activities after school, they hardly have time to be home or in a relaxed environment. They are constantly bombarded with information they do not even need to know at their young age.

In cases where children are fortunately home, they are still not “talking” with their parents, for they are in front of the electronic entertainment system that out world is so proud of today!

What is wrong? What are we missing? Where is the value system? What is more important?

Each one of us has to answer these questions for ourselves, for each situation is unique, and possible solutions for each situation may be different. The one thing that I wanted to bring up to everyone is AWARENESS. When one is aware, things take on a different perspective no matter what the situation may be. It may take compromise and sacrifice on the part of parents, but there is always a way to work out a situation for the better. One may just need to be more creative.

In my case, I decided that I would be home with my children until they were ready to tell me what was happening to them when not in my care. As a result I stayed home 2 ½ years each time, before I went back to work. I had made up my mind that we would survive on one income, but it was essential for me to stay home with my children. Once they were in Montessori pre-school system, I made sure that I was working 2 minutes away from their school, otherwise I would not work! I made sure that I would be home with them by 3 pm, when they came home. In the preschool years, my wonderful friend’s mother (I call her my second mother) took care of her grand children as well as mine – there were no costs involved, for she treated mine as her own. I never enrolled my children in more than 1 after school enrichment activity at a time, for I was home with them playing board games, doing projects with them, and goofing around with them. I was planting seeds with them in our garden, and I was teaching them multiplication tables while we did grocery together. We went for walks and we went to movies together. We cooked together and we read together. We threw out our television set many years ago! These are the kind of children who would rather be home most of the time than be out hanging somewhere with their friends. This does not mean that they are never with their friends, for it is critical that they build their own relationships. But I am completely involved in their friendships. I am always in communication with their friends as well, even friends of my 18 years old son. This is how my son laughingly tells his friend when I am driving them in my car to some place and I am on a mission to get more information, “You will have to excuse my mother for being nosy!!” His friends are more than happy to supply any information I need J They actually tell me things that they do not tell their own parents!

I am blessed that my children communicate with me on a regular basis. Yes there are clashes, for the fact is that we are from different generations, but we are always talking. They know that they can come to me for anything, that they can talk to me on any subject on this earth without being inhibited. This has been a blessing passed down from my own parents, with whom I can communicate on any topic ranging from relationships to spirituality, from finance to cooking! My children know that they can talk to my mother about anything as well. They are very comfortable going to her.

At almost 18, my son is looking forward to going to UC Berkley, this fall, where he got in. As always, he has planned out his life for the next few years, with the knowledge that the plans will be modified as he goes along in time. He knows that I am all about providing him with the educational tools needed to run his life and not “things” which he can get on his own any time if he has the tools and education to do so. Just a week ago, my son and I attended a 3 day conference learning about business and finance; need to lead ones life smartly (Available from the famous author Robert Kiyosaki. I read his book, “Rich Dad, Poor Dad,” and fell in love with his concepts more than 2 years ago.)

At almost 14, my daughter, ready for high school, is watching and learning, and building her own tools in the process.

Kahlil Gibran’s “Your children are not your children…” comes to my mind on a regular basis. We are here to provide them with a nourishing, enriching, learning, friendly and safe environment, and allow them to be their own people, to do what they desire to do in life. We are not here to “control” them.

Let’s really listen to our children and hear what they are saying. :)